The Daily Bee: Erling Haaland’s Sale Worth €355 Million

Good morning, Fear the Wall.

Haaland to Cost €355 Million

Erling Haaland’s release clause of €75 million may sound like a steal to any perspective buyer, but that’s only because this fee doesn’t include his wage demands, agent fees, and commission to his father.

I’ve decided to calculate that figure in terms of barrels of crude oil, because the petroclubs are probably the only clubs that could afford him at this point. It comes out to 3,825,000 barrels of crude oil, which is equal to the capacity of about 7-10 Panamax oil tankers. Pep’s bosses better get drilling.

Bundesliga Teams Face Mixed Results in the Bundesliga

Hey guys, there’s still one Bundesliga team isn’t a total embarrassment to the league. Eintracht Frankfurt beat Real Betis, home of former BVB-er Marc Bartra, which is probably why they lost.

With Bayer Leverkusen crashing out of the Europa League against Atalanta, Frankfurt are the only respectable Bundesliga team remaining in the competition.

Footy Scran of the Day: Eurosnobs in the Mud

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard it from snobby-ass Europeans. American pizza is trash. Americans just eat Papa Johns and Pizza Hut. Only Europeans eat REAL pizza. I hate the way they talk about it, and the way they eat it with their bougie forks and knives like they’re fucking royalty. And then they have the goddamn audacity to serve this:

This isn’t just in Europe. This is in Italy. In Milan. I want every Eurosnob who has ever made an extremely creative handegg joke to acknowledge that if I took that picture and labelled it as being from somewhere out in the Midwest, I would never hear the end of how “Oh my god, Americans don’t know what good pizza is” and “No European would ever serve that.” I’ll take your apologies in writing in the comments.

The Daily Buzz

If you were making €40 million per year to make weekly visits to an orthopedist while your team plays without you, what would you spend it on?