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The Daily Bee: Kicker Reports that Niklas Süle is Fat

BVB’s newest center back is a bit of a chunker.

FC Bayern München v RB Leipzig - Bundesliga Photo by Harry Langer/DeFodi Images via Getty Images

Good morning, FTW! Happy Friday.

Bayern: Niklas Süle is Fat

Guys, I have some bad news for you. The good folks at FC Bayern Munich have informed me that Niklas Süle, the Bayern center back who will be joining Borussia Dortmund in the summer, is, as the kids these days say, “one chomky boi.”

First of all, who among us has not put on a few holiday pounds? I challenge you to come to my family’s house for two weeks over Christmas break and not come back four kilograms heavier. Second of all, if Niklas Süle does have a weight problem, it’s hard to see how it’s impacted his play. He’s cemented himself as a regular on the German National Team, and more to the point, he’s played in every single minute of Bayern Munich football since the Bundesliga returned from the winter break. He might make the odd late night trip to Mickey D’s for some spicy nuggs, but he’s still a great player.

Let us judge the evidence:

FC Bayern München v RB Leipzig - Bundesliga Photo by Harry Langer/DeFodi Images via Getty Images

Alright, we’ve definitely got a little bit of a double chin going on, but let’s also remember that Süle is a massive dude. He’s 6′ 5″ and, according to google, 218 pounds. That’s definitely huge, but all that weight makes him a tank to deal with. And for all that weight, he’s still a deceptively quick player.

Süle’s weight has been an issue of contention in Munich for a while, well before his move to BVB was announced. However, saying this now that he’s on his way off does give off a vibe of a stereotypically catty ex-girlfriend exclaiming how her ex-boyfriend “is like, totally fat and disgusting anyway.” Only, in this case, her ex-boyfriend is still living with her, and will do so until the end of June.

Erling Haaland Hoping for Return Against Rangers

Okay, I may have to fit some actual news into this. According to Ruhr Nachrichten, Haaland is aiming to return against Glasgow Rangers. This means, of course, that he doesn’t expect to play against Union Berlin on Sunday. Given BVB’s performance against Leverkusen without Haaland, I’m not feeling optimistic.

The Daily Buzz

What do you think Niklas Süle’s go-to late night DoorDash order is?