Man of the Match Poll: Borussia Dortmund are Very Good and RB Leipzig are Rubbish

Football is so easy. RB Leipzig are rubbish. Bayern’s main rivals I heard. Maybe because Bayern are a joke club. Anyway, we won the only trophy that matters. Remember when Leipzig were any good? Nah me neither.

Here’s some nominations, I don’t care what you think about them.

Jadon Sancho

Scoring goals is easy when you’re Jadon Sancho. He’s very, very good at football. He could have had his hattrick but he’s so pure that he just tried to set up dad instead.

Marco Reus

Marco you sneaky snek you. He was busy in the dark arts all game long, and he was excellent at the pure stuff too. Wish he had managed to get on the scoresheet, but I’m sure he won’t be losing any sleep over that!

Erling Haaland

Even when he slips he scores. He knew what he was doing, the big weird Norwegian freak.

Lukasz Piszczek

He’s a billion years old and his hips are made of sand but that doesn’t matter when you’re made of fine leather and good vibes. Watching Piszczek’s emotions after the game got me a little misty-eyed, I must admit.

What do you think? Write it in a little letter and post it in the bin, because I’m going to celebrate. Up. The. Scum.