The Daily Bee (July 21, 2020): Cringe Overload

Good morning, Fear the Wall.

The Most Cringe-Inducing Video You’ll Ever Watch

Do you remember that time in fifth grade when your elementary school principal was retiring, and your teachers all made you gather together into one of the classrooms and sing “Still the One” by the Orleans, and all the girls were into it, but all the boys stood in the corner with their hands in their pockets, glancing awkwardly at each other?

Do you remember the time in High School when you were put in a presentation group with four theater kids, and they decided to turn what was supposed to be a 3 minute skit into a musical number with multiple verses, and you didn’t feel comfortable vetoing their decision?

Do you remember when you were a boy scout counselor and your camp director decided that all the counselors would lead the scouts in a performance of “Scout Vespers” in front of the kids’ parents?

All those things happened to me, and I remember them starkly. Moreover, I can say with absolute certainty that the video that Borussia Dortmund tweeted out yesterday is almost as cringeworthy as what I’ve described above. I’m going to embed it below, but I cannot stress this enough: watch at your own risk. You will cringe.

That video is... just awful. For those of you who (wisely) chose not to watch, it was a video of a bunch of BVB’s players listening to Hey Jude by the Beatles, and “singing” along, in the loosest possible sense of the word. Zagadou, Balerdi, and Morey are the only ones who show the slightest glimpse of enthusiasm. Schmelzer is visibly uncomfortable and is just trying to grin his way through to the end. Akanji just phones it in with a complete monotone, probably hoping that they wouldn’t use his take in the final cut. Raphael Guerreiro is hiding in the corner, hoping nobody notices him next to Zagadou.

I feel bad watching that. I honestly hope Jude Bellingham doesn’t see that, because it may honestly convince him to back out of his contract and sign with Manchester United.

Julian Hendrix

You thought it was over, didn’t you? Nope. As if one lackluster musical performance wasn’t enough, here’s Julian Brandt struggling to hit a few basic Guitar chords:

On the off-chance that Paul McCartney is a BVB fan and reads Fear the Wall religiously, please know that we disavow everything that the Borussia Dortmund Twitter account has posted.

The Daily Buzz

This has gotten me into the mood to talk about the Beatles. What’s your favorite Beatles hit? Mine is Revolution 1.