The Daily Bee (October 14, 2020): Germany Draw Switzerland, Disappoint Again

Good morning, Fear the Wall!

We’re going to be talking about Switzerland today, and there’s something I’d like to clear up. I’m a big fan of the country of Switzerland. It has beautiful geography, wonderful if slightly quirky people, and... erm, interesting sports. I do have one gripe with the Swiss, though, and I’d like one of the thousands of Swiss people who read FTW to answer for their crimes. No, I’m not talking about the stolen Nazi gold or opaque banking system that is frequently used for money laundering.

No. I’m talking about Rivella:

Photo by XAMAX\ullstein bild via Getty Images

Rivella is a Swiss soft drink found throughout the country and it is, and I cannot stress this enough: absolutely disgusting.

What does it taste like? Well thankfully I haven’t had some in like 8 years so I don’t remember exactly, but as best as I can remember it tasted like if you took a bottle of milk, set it out in the sun for 8 hours, put it in the fridge again, carbonated it, and then sold it for four francs. Why does it tastes like that? Well wouldn’t you like to know: it’s literally made from milk whey, a byproduct of cheese production, and contains a high amount of lactic acid.

So basically, a bunch of Swiss cheesemakers had a bunch of leftover milk whey and didn’t know what to do with it, so they bottled it, stuffed it with sugar, slapped a label on it, and perpetually duped Swiss consumers into buying it until it somehow became Switzerland’s national dish.

I love you Switzerland, but please, do better. Anyway, back to football:

Germany Draw Switzerland in Cologne

I’m not a Germany fan, but even I know that this is getting ridiculous. Yesterday afternoon, the German national team drew Switzerland 3-3 in a game that they really never had solid control over. While it is ultimately disappointing for the Germans that they couldn’t find a last minute goal, even if they did, it was another lackluster performance. Even though the Germans controlled the bulk of the possession and had several brilliant offensive combinations, time and time again they were cut open by Switzerland’s counterattacks.

Antonio Rudiger was dreadful, leaving Mario Gavranovic wide open on Switzerland’s first goal, and failing to stop a chip from Remo Freuler at the goal line. The third Swiss goal was an absolute calamity from the German back line: four German defenders surrounded the ball as they desperately tried to block a shot from Seferovic. While the initial shot was indeed blocked, the rebounded squibbed out to Gavranovic. No defender made any real attempt to get in front of his shot, which smashed into the net to put the Swiss up again, only 90 seconds after the Germans had equalized.

I know Joachim Low is a big boy who doesn’t want to admit when he’s wrong, but are we really supposed to believe that Mats Hummels or Jerome Boateng wouldn’t be an upgrade over Rudiger and Matthias Ginter? And as good as Havertz and Werner have been, the fact that Thomas Müller can’t make the squad is baffling as well. There are so many lineup decisions that are pure head-scratchers, and until Germany is able to field a squad that won’t have regular defensive lapses like they did today, these types of results will continue.

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Say that Joachim Löw were indeed removed from his position: who would you pick to replace him?