Basically Official: Sancho to Man Utd

If you’ve ever wondered what life must be like for an 18 year old kid playing for his national team and a top European club, the answer is “much better than yours”. Jadon Sancho is currently enjoying himself in Ibiza with his mates, one of which appears to be big name Grime/UK Hip Hop artist & Manchester United fan, Dave. Sancho is rich, he’s famous, he’s a good-looking kid, he’s wearing a sick bumbag, Dave has just tapped him up for the Red Devils, all while sipping on what I can only hope is a strictly non-alcoholic orange juice.

Dave is probably not a name to nearly 100% of you, but as the resident Brit and Fear The Wall’s “Man of the Culture”, I can confirm he’s a pretty well known artist in the UK, and he’s one of London’s rising stars, so it’s no surprise that Sancho would want to hang out with him and share some pictures.

Dave is apparently making some big money deals for his club (and recently had his bio on Wikipedia changed to say he is Man Utd’s Director of Football), having gained some leverage fresh off a number one album in March, and an excellent Glastonbury main stage set that included dragging a kid onstage for help on song Thiago Silva only for that kid to kill it:

But the event took a dark turn when some unpleasant soul caught clear footage of Manchester United’s DoF tapping up our young talent. In the two leaked Snapchat videos, you can clearly hear Dave encouraging the young, impressionable, and probably three-drinks-deeper-than-he’s-ever-been-before Jadon Sancho to sign a verbal contract to join the Europa League regulars.

Sure enough, Twitter has blown up. Jadon is basically a United player now. Agent Dave has done his damage. Isn’t it about time UEFA did something about this sort of behavior? This is another flagrant example of a big club treading on lowly… Borussia Dortmund. The arrogance of the Premier League knows no bounds.

I can’t believe you’ve done this.