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Bunducksliga Recap: We Quacked ‘em!

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Giant Yellow Rubber Duck Exhibited In Seoul Photo by Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images

It’s coming home!

Rejoice, BVB fans, rejoice! Break out the champagne, ring the bells and sing along to Aida, because it’s finally happened.

We are victorious.

After 4 long years of futility, including two heartbreaking second place finishes, Borussia Dortmund have finally won the Bunducksliga.

It was a nail biter to the very end. From the start, however it was a two-duck race. While “Nobby”, the Dortmund representative was first out of the gate, zooming around BorussiaPark on its drone, the Borussia Monchengladbach representative, a to-my-knowledge un-named foal, not wanting to disappoint the home fans, kept right up with him. The two leaders built a lead as they rounded out the first lap, jockeying for first place.

The real drama came in lap two. Nobby and the Foal were neck and neck, switching places every several seconds. Meanwhile, the Hertha Berlin ducked crashed out, and Schalke, Bayern, and Dusseldorf toiled in the lower positions. Meanwhile, Nobby and the Foal fought tooth and nail for every inch, navigating tight turns and alleyways with tight precision.

Coming into the final lap, the Foal held onto its slight lead by a thread, with Nobby right on his tail. The tension in the air was palpable: the crowd boomed and the roar of the drones’ engines filled the air as the two frontrunners twisted and turned towards the finish. The away Dortmund fans cheered Nobby on with enthusiasm, but increasing anxiety. Time was running out: could he find a way to pull into first?

At 1:03 into the race, it happened. At a straightaway, Nobby was within reach of the Foal, and he pounced on his opportunity. In one massive sprint, Nobby shot in front of the Foal and sped away. The Foal tried to match Nobby’s move, but he could not. Nobby confidently handled every turn until the end, and finished decisively in first by a lead of 0.7 seconds. Surprisingly, Monchengladbach pulled a “Tottenham”: that is, they finished 3rd in a two-duck race, with Bayern edging them out at the last second to take 2nd place.

That was all a sideshow, though, because Borussia Dortmund were the champions. Nobby gladly accepted the trophy, and hoisted it into the air, for the whole world to see:

It’s good to be the best, isn’t it?