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The Fear The Wall Festivus Special

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A Festivus for the rest of us!

Pole Of Beer Cans Erected In Florida Capitol Celebrating Irreverent ‘Festivus’ Photo by Mark Wallheiser/Getty Images

In the spirit of Festivus, the writers of Fear the Wall will (jokingly) air our grievances with Borussia Dortmund - from coaching decisions to simple inconveniences. We’ve got a lot of problems with this club, and now they’re gonna hear about it!

So gather around the aluminum pole and grab a plate of Festivus meatloaf, and allow us to air our disappointments.

Gregory Horn

Why can’t Zorc buy a starting forward? Ahhhh, yes, Favre now has Paco Alcacer at his disposal. But he has come off of the bench as many times than he has started!!! He’s a bench player. Per whoscored, he has started five times in the Bundesliga, while coming off of the bench seven times. And despite three of his four champions league games starting from the opening kickoff, his success as a supersub - 10 of his 13 goals came from the bench - shows that he’s a rotation option for the black and yellows. The other options to play up top are Maximillian Philipp and Mario Götze, and they are absolutely terrible in that position. To elevate ourselves to a higher level and compete for the Bundesliga in the future, we need a true forward like Timo Werner or someone who was as good for this team as Lewandowski was during his time at the club. To be this reliant on someone this talentless, who lacks pace, strength or an aptitude for scoring goals like one of the best forwards, this team will continue to be worse than Bayern. Why can't we just get Batshuayi back? He was perfect in our system under Peter Stöger. He will be perfect for us now. No wonder why we are struggling. Zorc and Watzke out! Wenger in!

Nick Kapatos

It’s a little grievance, but I wish Dortmund would come to the United States more. Given how little the price of international travel will change in the near future, the prospect of a number of us actually getting to travel to Germany to catch a match at Signal Iduna Park is probably very slim unless you live in Europe or you’ve got cash for days. Therefore, when Dortmund came to the US for their summer tour I was ecstatic! Even though I lived nowhere near any of the cities they played in, the thought of actually seeing my favorite club in cities I know are in the same country as me and I’ve actually been to is awesome. I wish they’d come back and go to more cities. Is it selfish to want them to come to cities closer to me and during times when I’m not super swamped with work or life? Absolutely. Perhaps the departure of Pulisic in the coming future (hopefully not this winter) would put a damper on the number of BVB fans in attendance, but for those who actually support the club over just one player, it would be a terrific reward for their loyalty.

Also, WHY AM I NEVER SELECTED FOR THE SIGNED JERSEY GIVEAWAYS!? I JUST WANT ONE TIME FOR MY TWITTER NAME TO BE SELECTED! I ALWAYS RETWEET AND FOLLOW THE ACCOUNT, AND NEVER ONCE HAVE I GOTTEN ANYTHING! IT’S NOT FAIR!

Sean Keyser

Enough with the yellow shorts! I get it, we’re Borussia Dortmund, we have to wear yellow. On the other hand, yellow is objectively the worst of the rainbow colors, at least when it comes to clothing. The black shorts are crucial, because they darken the overall vibe of the outfit and provide some visual balance. A pool of all-yellow fabric just looks like a pile of mustard on the ground, but a yellow-and-black combination evokes cultural motifs like a construction site, bumblebee the transformer, or even radioactivity.

They’re called the Schwarzgelben, not the Gelben. I demand an end to the yellow shorts!

John Szymendera

First for my more serious grievance: Can Dortmund please go three months with a good young player without rumors beginning to swirl about how other teams are going to steal him? I get that is how it goes sometimes, but it seems Dortmund actually encourages the cycle of selling young players. Dembele yesterday, Pulisic today, and maybe Sancho tomorrow. They are too accepting of this trend and for Christmas I would love to see them put up more of a fight to keep the talent they develop. As for my second grievance, many might not be bothered or have even noticed, but I don’t know how much longer I can go looking at that number font Puma decided to put on our jerseys. There aren’t a lot of things to complain about right now when it comes to Dortmund, OK? This is important though. I don’t know how a large company like Puma can approve something like that without someone saying, “maybe we shouldn’t.” My favorite is the Hakimi number 5, it is on the verge of being unrecognizable as a number. Please Puma, give me a better font for Christmas (but I’ll give you until next season I guess).

Let us know what you’ve got against the club below. Now who wants to step up and challenge us in the Feats of Strength? Festivus doesn’t end until all the writers of the blog are all pinned.