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Fear the Roundtable: Halloween Edition

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The FTW Crew Answers Some Halloween-themed Questions

Lemur’s At The San Francisco Zoo Receive Pumpkin Treat Ahead Of Halloween
It’s the Great Pumpkin, Lucien Favre!
Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Question #1: What is your biggest BVB-related fear this season?

Sean

That Paco Alcacer will suffer an injury. If the Spanish striker can stay healthy (knock on wood), then BVB have a genuine shot at the title, and could theoretically go deep in the Champions League. Unfortunately, Paco has missed a lot of time this season, and BVB have struggled in his absence. It’s clear that Max Philipp and even Marco Reus are not viable long-term substitutes at the center forward position, so if Paco continues to miss extended periods of time, then BVB’s ability to contend for the title will be in serious peril.

Gregory

Facing a mass exodus at the end of the season. The last time we played well was Tuchel’s first season - Mkhitaryan, Hummels, and Gündogan all proceed to leave despite Watzke promising him only one would be allowed to go. Zorc has stockpiled talent over the last couple of years, and despite the fact that Pulisic will probably leave for greener (because of the piles of cash just lying around in England) pastures, players like Jadon Sancho, Akanji, Diallo, Zagadou, and Bruun Larsen could very well be targeted by wealthier clubs this summer.

Nick

My biggest fear would be that injuries decimate us at position of importance and where we lack great depth (fullback, striker) and derail our shot at actually winning something this season. It was always going to be a tall order to keep our momentum going all season if we wanted even the slimmest shot at winning a trophy this season, especially the Bundesliga, but it would be that much more difficult if someone important were to go down for the year or enough players at a key position were to go down.

John

Bayern Munich will always be on the minds of Dortmund fans as they are quickly working their way back up the table, but that is not really a fear for me. That should be expected and something Dortmund is prepared to face if they want to win the league. The true fear is the health of Marco Reus. As a 76ers fan who has watched a lot of Joel Embiid, I know what it’s like to slowly forget about injury concerns throughout a season only to be blindsided by a broken face when I least expect it. All we can do is hope and enjoy the ride.

Brian

Reus getting hurt *knocks on wood so hard I break my hand*

Question #2: Who/what has been the biggest treat thus far?

Sean

Jadon Sancho, Achraf Hakimi, and Paco Alcacer have all been absolute revelations, and BVB wouldn’t be in its current position without them. What I have enjoyed more than anything else this year, though, is watching a consistently healthy and consistently producing Marco Reus.

Marco’s career is very much a case of “what could have been”. Few players have been as consistently injured as Marco Reus, and as far as world class players go, he might be the single most injury-maligned star of our generation.

This season, however, Marco has managed to stay healthy (knock on wood, again), and he’s using this opportunity to show the footballing world why he’s considered among the sport’s very best. He has 7 goals and 4 assists in 13 appearances, and has formed a lethal chemistry with the likes of Sancho, Alcacer, and Hakimi. He’s been a joy to watch.

Gregory

Marco Reus. Despite how good Alcacer has been, and how much Sancho is giving me Pulisic from 3 years ago and slight Dembele from 2 years ago vibes, Reus makes the entire front line tick. When Reus came back from being out for 6 months in the back end of last season, the side automatically looked better. He is the heart and soul of this side, with his play style, with his leadership, and everyone in the team around him just complements the effort that he puts forth every game.

Nick

That’s a tie between Achraf Hakimi and Jacob Bruun Larsen. JBL didn’t have the best of times while out on loan at Stuttgart last season, and I had no real knowledge of him or how he played to form an opinion at the beginning of the season, so to see him play as well as he has and put up the numbers he has has been a delight.

As for Hakimi, I knew that he came from the Real Madrid academy and that he’d been the starter for Morocco at this summer’s World Cup, but other than that I knew nothing about him. I’d say that I’ve been pleasantly surprised by what he’s brought to the team. He’s got blazing speed and great attacking abilities, and his ability to competently defend has been an added plus. If we could find a way to keep him beyond the two-year loan, I’d be thrilled.

John

There are so many to choose from, but I’ll go with someone who was already on the team heading into the season. Roman Burki has had a great season so far and has silenced any doubts as to who the starting keeper is on this team. Many rightly questioned over the offseason whether Dortmund could do better at the position, and some thought Hitz would beat him out for the job, but Burki has shown real poise under pressure to keep his spot.

Brian

Definitely Paco. I was super suspect of a Barca burn out being our only true striker but boy was I wrong. If he even keeps close to his output this season he may go out a legend.

Question #3: If your favorite player were to choose a Halloween costume, what would it be?

Sean

I’m going to choose Mario Götze, only because I have the perfect costume in mind: the Keebler Elf. Mario absolutely has the cheeks, body type, and physique to pull off that jolly elf look. All he needs is a green jacket, a red waistcoat, and an oversized red hat, and he’ll be able to pull off a look that says “I’m ready to bring hyper-processed, mass-produced cookies to supermarkets near you.”

Gregory

Dan-Axel Zagadou as Godzilla. The dude is a mountain, and I would like to think that he would have some fun with that. Not one of those inflatable costumes, but an actual cloth costume that replicates the classic Godzilla from the 1962 Godzilla vs King Kong movie. Bonus points in the costume contest if Bürki goes as King Kong and they stare each other down.

Nick

Axel Witsel as an orchestra maestro. I wasn’t sure how a guy who had messed around in China for a year would come in and play, but every time the ball is at his feet I feel as though he’s in perfect control. I could perfectly picture him in a black-tie tuxedo just waving that conductor stick around in a frantic, yet controlled manner. Side note, do they celebrate Halloween in Belgium?

John

The starting goalie going as the best keeper to put on the gloves would be appropriate. I’m not talking someone that can be found in FIFA 19, I’m talking the keeper from the true best soccer game of all time ... Mario Strikers Charged. Kritter the crocodile’s ability was a sight to behold, and he would make for a great and obscure costume for a goalie. Am I alone with this reference? Can someone in the comments please back me up?

Brian

Easy Christian Pulisic as Captain America. Hopefully our Captain America can rescue the USMNT from Thanos (Carlos Cordeiro) and his awful management. If BVB were to have a Winter Solider it obviously would be Felix Passlack, Pulisic’s best friend that has mysteriously disappeared but whom will probably come back brainwashed by British football.

Question #4: Which Halloween candy represents BVB the most?

Sean

If I were to describe Borussia Dortmund with a set of five adjectives, I would choose, “Fun”, “Energetic”, “Dynamic”, “Supportive”, and “Undaunted”. BVB might not be the most powerful club in the world, but what we lack in pure strength we make up for in our high-octane playing style, our culture of echte liebe, and our ability to take on any opponent on any day.

The candy that represents this the most is the Twix bar. Twix is rightfully considered among the candy bar elites, but it doesn’t rely on historical legacy like Hershey does, nor does it benefit from massive advertising campaigns like Snickers, Skittles, or Kit Kat. Twix made it to the top based on its own merit, as a mouthwatering combination of a crunchy, savory biscuit topped with gooey caramel and coated with chocolate. Twix is fun to eat by itself, but it’s also an excellent topping for ice cream. Twix’s versatility, balance of flavors, and reputation definitely make it the BVB of Halloween candy.

Gregory

Twix. I personally like it, it is my favorite candy. But like BVB, it is light, refreshing, a fun palette of flavor and color, and a great pick-me-up.

Nick

I have no idea how to answer this. I have a sweet tooth, so most candy is my favorite candy. I wanted to put down Cookie Dough Bites because they’re my absolute favorite and Dortmund is my favorite club (SUPER underrated candy, btw), but that’s more of a movie theater snack than something you hand out on Halloween. So I guess I’ll go pink starbursts because they stand out, and they’re clearly the best flavor of a good candy.

John

Starburst for Dortmund, Almond Joy for Bayern, and Candy Corn for Schalke.

Brian

M&Ms because there are those that love them but every candy hipster says that M&Ms are their “second favorite candy”

Question #5: If you could teepee one other club’s stadium, which would it be?

Sean

The obvious candidates here are the Allianz Arena and the Veltins Arena. The Allianz Arena already looks like a toilet seat, so TP-ing it would only be an improvement. That leaves the Veltins Arena, which is the clear choice.

TP-ing is something you do to that guy down the street who annoys you, whether he’s always yelling at you to stop playing soccer in the street, or he puts up a topiary of a gopher that makes the whole neighborhood look bad, or he exclusively hands out laffy taffies on Halloween. Schalke are that guy, and the Veltins Arena are their house.

Gregory

Allianz Arena. I have personally done a stadium tour, and it lacks character. It is too clean, too refined, it is just missing any element of feeling like a bastion of supporter culture, of being a second home. Yeah, yeah, we get it, it is round, it has these bubbles on the outside that change colors. YAY. Think adding some toilet paper all around the stadium would make it feel more like home, since the Bavarians are surrounded with so much paper (money) anyway.

Nick

Allianz Arena in a landslide. Aside from their light-up exterior, that place looks so cold and joyless it could give MetLife Stadium a run for the title of most boring and soulless stadium in the world. A fresh cover of teepee, the one-ply kind, might actually make it stand out a little more.

Actually, you know what? No, one-ply toilet paper is too good for those jerkwads. Do you remember those sand-papery, dirt-brown paper towels we all used in chemistry class that never absorbed anything and just pushed the liquid around? That’s what I’d cover their stadium in.

John

I think Bayern Munich would be the obvious target within the Bundesliga, but if I was going outside the league, I think Manchester United is a big, entitled mess right now and would be a deserving target to pile on.

Brian

There is this small little park in a irrelevant town near us that has this really bad team that wears blue. Maybe they could even put the teepee in their trophy case, since there is so much empty room there,